(or "Nip-Tuck" or "NipTuck") FX Channel, July 22,
2003 didn't wait for its circumcision sequence. It began in episode 1.
Glamourous, caddish cosmetic surgeon Dr
Christian Troy (Julian
McMahon) and Matt McNamara (John Hensley III), son of Troy's
ethical, impassive homely partner Dr Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) are
about to go sailing in Troy's cruiser, the Boatox.
Christian: God, it is beautiful
out here, huh?
Hensley III (Matt McNamara)
Matt: Oh yeah, it's perfect
weather for skipping school.
Christian: I want you back by
third period, Matty. We agreed. Here. I wrote you a doctor's excuse.
Matt: Thanks. Hey listen. and
thanks for the medical consultation stuff. Um, when can we schedule an
Christian: Whoa, Whoa Whoa.
Slow down. Like it or not we have to talk to your dad about this.
You're under 18. He has to sign the consent form.
Matt: Yeah....he'll never go
for it. He's such an asshole.
Hey! Don't you call your father that. You don't know how lucky you got
it. Besides your dad is not an asshole.
Robots can't be assholes. (They laugh)
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing up
Sean: See, my wife's
Christian: Well you're not. A
lot goes on in your family you don't know much about. If my son was
getting brutally razzed at school, I'd have picked up on his changed
Matt's having trouble at school and he told you this?
Christian: He's torn up. I
guess he was showering at gym and shit and some tough guys were
laughing at him and calling him "Anteater".
Christian: Basically, he's
self-concious about his dick and he wants a circumcision.
Sean: He doesn't need a
circumcision. That's a vanity operation.
Christian: We're in the vanity
business, Sean, it's what we do. Appearance is everything to a kid.
It's how you fit in. Snip, Snip. He feels
better about himself. And you, sir, can make that happen. How cool is
Sean: I'm not doing anything to
my son's penis or my wife's breasts. [She asked him]
I don't want my family infected by what we do here.
Christian: And what is it that
we do here, Sean, other than make people feel better about themselves?
Sean: What we do here is let
people externalize the hate they feel about themselves. Which is why I
want to hire a fulltime psychologist to screen people better.
Great, and let's do yoga in the lobby.
Sean: Since Botox went wide
it's been like a factory in here. There's no discernment, no caution.
Christian: This is a business,
Sean, a very good business that is on the verge of setting us up for
Sean: Well, maybe I don't want
to be in this business anymore.
Later. The waiting room. Julia McNamara
(Joely Richardson) is reading a magazine. Enter Christian
Christian: To what do we owe
Julia: Hey, oh, um, Sean's
having a professional sitdown with Matt to talk to him about the......
Christian: So, I Heard. Tough
Julia: Seems Dr. Spock didn't
write a chapter about, um.... [He
did. He changed his mind.]
Hey, Thanks for talking to him last week.
Everyone needs someone in their life who who'll listen, right?
Sean: (to Matt) Tell me what
you like about yourself?
Matt: Look, Dad, I'm grateful
that you're treating me like an adult. But if we have to do this, can
we skip the psycho mind-probe stuff?
Sean: Our mother and I have
thought a lot about this topic. We didn't give you a circumcision
because you were six weeks premature. Your little fighting body didn't
need the stress of an operation.
Matt (shrugs): I could have
well as failing to address Matt's concerns, this conversation is full
of non-sequiturs. As usual, the real reasons for leaving babies'
penises alone - such as human rights
and pleasure - are not
Sean: Matt, why did you go to
Christian with your concerns instead of me?
Matt: Because he's cooler than
you and he listens to me. I don't get that Father-knows-best bullshit
from him. He treats me like a man.
Sean (nods): Matt, I'm going to
make an appointment
with a psychologist. I apologize we don't have one on the staff here.
Matt: Whoa! What? Why?
Sean: You've never bowed to
peer pressure before. I think something's going on.
Look, I just want it, OK? I don't want
guys talking trash about me and I know women don't like it
not cut. It's the smell or something....even though I keep it clean, so
feel free to skip the hygiene lecture.
Sean: Matt, are you having sex
Matt: Not with girls, Dad. With
Vanessa. Maybe you've over-heard me talking to Mom about her. You know
she's beautiful, she's a varsity
cheerleader. She can have any guy she wants. And she chose me.
Sean: So you have had sex?
Matt: It's getting there and I
know she'll see it and hurl.
Sean: Matt, if this girl
genuinely cares about you, she's not going to care about something
trivial as extra skin. [Not
extra. Standard equipment.]
Matt: Trivial?! This is my
life! This is not trivial. Look, for once.......just give me something
that I need.
July 29, 2003
Matt is sitting at the kitchen table
doing homework. Enter Sean.
Sean (throwing a
condom on the kitchen table.): Heads up.
Matt(picking it up,
shocked but smiling): What's this?
Sean : It's a prophylactic,
Matt: Well, yeah. I know what
it is, Dad. Why did you give it to me?
Sean: You're worried about your
girl's reaction to your foreskin on the first time, right? Well, you
responsibly slip this on when that time
comes... she won't even know. Once you get your sea legs, you can be
confident enough to initiate a conversation about what a foreskin is
and how it really won't affect her pleasure. [No
suggestion that it might actually give her more pleasure.]
Matt looks angry, frustrated and/or
Later. We see the lower halves of a man
undressing a woman. Track up to reveal Matt and his girlfriend,
Vanessa, kissing passionately. Cut to them in bed together.
Matt: Mmm? Mmm?
Vanessa: I want to try it.
Matt: Oh... OK.
He gets out of bed
Vanessa: Where are you going?
Matt: Oh... uh... I was gonna
get a condom.
Vanessa: I want to see it
nervously ) OK... Yeah... sure.
He rolls on to his back looking
uncomfortable. Vanessa moves out of shot to inspect him at length. When
she surfaces he begins to kiss her but she doesn't respond.
Vanessa: It looks like a
Shar-Pei. Are you part-Arab or something? [Virtually
all Arab men, being Muslim, are circumcised. This presumably reveals
the scriptwriters' ignorance rather than Vanessa's. It's been suggested
she's referring to Arab horses ...]
a Shar-Pei and (right, to the same scale) a foreskin.
The same comparison is used in Sex and the City
Matt: Uh....no. (pause)
Matt: Does it turn you off that
that I'm not - circumcised?
Vanessa (Avoiding eye
contact.): No, not at all. (pause) Maybe
we should just make out today. (She starts to kiss him on the
mouth but Matt he does not respond.)
(Later . Matt and Christian are in a
Matt: Why won't you give me the
circumcision? He doesn't even have to know.
Christian: Carving up your dick
is a little more telltale than buying you a 6-pack on the sly, Matty.
(A waitress approaches)
Matt: Uh... Hi....I'll have a
Dewar's straight up.
Christian: (Chuckles. )
He'll have a Coke. (He ogles the waitress) I'll have
the Dewar's, sweetheart. Thank you
Christian: Besides, I'm of the
opinion your father's right about this one. You don't need a
Matt: Oh, fine. If you guys
won't help me, I'll go to another surgeon.
Christian: Who'll operate
without a signed parent consent form. Good luck. The problem isn't your
dick, Matty. It's your confidence. You were timid and embarrassed. She
saw that and that's what turned her off.
(Waitress returns with their drinks.)
Matt: Thanks. Um......why are
Because we are gonna work on the confidence part. Yeah!
You're kidding me, right?
contraire, my little virginator. I've arranged for you to
just get it out of the way. A little bang under your belt, I firmly
believe you'll be able to bicycle over to Vanessa's place, grab that
peachy ass and show her how it's done - with no fear.
Christian (facing Matt):
Girls don't care if you have a 2 inch pecker, a hairy ass, or balls the
size of cranberries. What they care about is that you know what you're
Matt (chuckling and
sighing): So which girl?
over his shoulder at a woman who is waving and smiling at Matt.):
Behind me. On the stairs . Her name is Avanti. Rumor has it she can
suck the peel off an apple.
Matt: I feel entirely creep
about paying someone to pretend they like me. No... Hey.... besides,
man, I'm not gonna cheat on Vanessa . I love her. Haven't you ever had
(Avanti walks over)
Avanti (to Matt):
Um....yeah......Thank you (to Christian)
but...um..no (to Avanti) no thank you.
Christian: Fair enough.(Sigh)
Mmm, now if you'll excuse me. I'm gonna go upstairs and pay someone to
pretend they like me.
(He takes Avanti by the hand and leads
her upstairs, leaving Matt sitting alone)
(Later. Matt is sitting at a computer in
in his bedroom. He types in "circumcision". ... He adds the words "how
to" and hits "Search")
(Later. Matt and his mother Julia are in
Matt: Hey, Mom. Do you have any
Julia: Why do you need those?
Matt (holding up his
hand): Why do you think? I have a hang nail.
Julia: Upstairs bathroom. Third
drawer on the right.
(Later. Matt back at the computer)
Voice: "Hey, how's it going?
You've logged onto Joey's
Self-Circumcision Web Page. A guide for guys like me who have a
foreskin problem and are too embarrassed to have the doctor do the
duty. First things first, guys. Relax. A shaking hand means you could
slip. I took a mild muscle relaxant."
(Matt pours himself a glass of wine)
Voice: "Other guys I know fared
well on a glass of red wine. Be smooth and confident."
(Matt takes a big swallow. Later: he is
pouring himself another glass, drinking it all, then another. He drinks
from the bottle, finishing it. Matt reads and sharpens the cuticle
Voice: "Your surgical tools
have to be sharpened to razor-sharpness. When you do, the cuts are
virtually painless and bleed very little. I didn't use ice or anything.
There was no need."
(Cut to Matt staring at a picture of
Vanessa. He begins to take off his shirt, then unzips his jeans, pulls
them down a little and then pulls down his boxers a little. He reaches
for the cuticle scissors.)
Voice: "For the first cut, grip
the foreskin and pull it out. Cut in a circular motion, removing a thin
quarter inch strip."
Matt looks shakily downward. We hear a
single clipping sound. Matt flinches and closes his eyes. Slowly he
raises his hand and his fingers are covered in blood. He slowly passes
out hits the floor as the screen fades to
Broadcast August 5, 2003
Next morning. Julia is pacing around
outside closed double doors.
Julia: What's going on, Matt?
Are you OK?
Matt (on the other
side, in the bathroom): Look, I'm gonna be fine, Mom. (to
Sean, who is seated on the closed toilet lid) Right? I'm
gonna be fine?
Sean: Take the ice pack off.
Let me see.
Sean: Matt, I changed your
diaper hundreds of times. I've seen it. Come on.
After a long pause Matt removes the ice
pack. At the crucial moment, the shot changes: though we repeately see
the most gruesome plastic surgery in medical-school detail, we never
see a live penis.
You took a chunk out of your foreskin and lacerated the opening of your
urethra. I can apply a slight pressure bandage. That will get you
through the next
couple of hours.
Matt: And then what?
Sean: And then later today
you're coming into the office. And I'm gonna give you a proper
Matt: No shit?
Sean: On one condition: you
start communicating with me! If there is something about your body you
want changed, one of those nipple rings, whatever, we talk it out
before you try self-mutilation.
And if you have questions about sex, for instance, how to find and
stimulate the clitoris,
you come to me. I want to be involved in your life, Matt. Deal?
Matt (after a long
Later. Sean, Julia and Matt are having
breakfast. Matt reaches for an apple.
Sean: Aah! No food 12 hours
Julia: Matt, you've never even
had your tonsils out. Are you sure you want to do this?
Matt: Yes. It's important to
me, Mom. And Dad agrees, so---
Sean: No, I don't agree. What
you did has to be corrected by a professional. [This
is not "correction". Salvage would be possible, though it is fine
surgery.] I'm doing your circumcision out of
medical necessity. Before we leave, you need to shave your genital
Matt: And the humiliations just
keep coming, don't they. (Exit.)
Julia: I don't like this.
Sean: He'll be fine. I promise.
Later. Sean and Christian are scrubbing
up. Later still, the operating theatre, Matt on the operating table.
Sean looks worried.
Matt: Uncle Chris, what are you
Christian: You're the most
important patient we've ever operated on, Matty. We're just taking
extra precautions, that's all.
(Nurse) Liz: OK guys. Ready
when you are.
Matt: I'm afraid.
Sean and Christian look at each other
Sean: You're gonna be fine,
Matt. I wouldn't do this unless I could guarantee that.
Liz: I want you to count back
from 10, OK?
Matt: 10, 9, ... ( and
he's out. Matt is
Sean: All right. Let's do this.
Clamp. Hemostat. Scalpel.
Christian hands Sean the scalpel. Sean
begins to lower the scalpel but stops. His hand is
Christian: Let me do it. You're
nervous. That's understandable.
Sean: I'm fine. I want to do
Christian: It's OK. We'll
trade. You do Grubman's tummy tuck afterwards. I'll do Matt.
Slow motion. Sean passes the scalpel to
Christian. Instead of seeing anything of Christian doing the
circumcision, to a Strauss waltz, we see ghoulish detail of the tummy
tuck, with emphasis on the forklike retractors and a large gob of fat
being dropped in a bowl.
Later. Vanessa and Matt are on Matt's bed
Vanessa: Did it hurt?
Matt: You were worth it
They both chuckle, looking into each
Matt: The stitches come out
next week. We can do it anytime after that.
As they move together, Sean bursts into
Sean: Matt, have you urinated
yet today? (He starts when he sees Vanessa.
Matt and Sean in the bathroom
Matt: Why do you want to see
Sean: I had to suture your
urinarius, and I want to make sure there's no blood in the urine. That
would be a sign of internal hemorrhaging. And I want to be here to
Why do I need that?
Sean: The first time you pee
after an operation of this nature, It's going to feel like you're
pissing fire, Matt. Just press down on my hand and scream if you want.
Nobody's going to judge you.
Matt: I- I don't need to hold
your hand, Dad. And, uh, can you give me some privacy?
Matt tries to urinate
Sean: Vanessa's a little hard
body, Matt. Looks like you're dating a future prom queen.
Matt: I can't dance.
Sean: OK, well let's come back
in an hour then.
Matt: No, I, uh I mean I really
can't dance. You're right about the prom thing. She's already asked me
to go. And I don't.....don't know how to dance.
Sean: Uh, Well that's OK.
Neither could I. You just say "It's not my thing."
Matt: This works?
Sean: I didn't even dance at my
own wedding. Women like it when there's some mystery there.
Matt: Uhh! Shit! It's coming!
Uh! (reaches out) Hand!
Later. Loud rock music. Matt is knocking
and calling at the front door of Vanessa's house. He enters the house.
He sees Vanessa's pompoms and book bag on a settee. He goes upstairs
and slowly opens Vanessa's door. Vanessa is passionately kissing and
groping another girl. They see Matt. Matt runs out.
Later. Matt comes home and tries to sneak
Sean: Hey! Come on in here!
Matt comes back.
Sean: So tell me.
Matt: Tell you what?
Sean: How did it go with
Vanessa? The stitches are out. I figured
you- you know.
Matt (unconvincingly): It was
Sean: Just- great?
Matt: It was everything I
wanted it to be. And I want to thank you for just really helping me out
and giving it to me.
Sean: You're welcome. (They
Matt: Uh, I'm gonna go wash up
Matt goes to his room and closes the
door. He leans against it and starts crying.
well he might. While this plotline is hardly pro-intact, not only did
Matt's circumcision go to waste, but Vanessa was probably telling the
truth that it wasn't his foreskin that was bothering her.]
In later episodes:
- Neighbours blaming Matt for another incident
say he "cut his own dick off."
- Matt says to a Jewish friend who is
considering converting to Christianity, "I wish I'd saved my foreskin;
I could give it to you."