Adamant fathers, and others

The "adamant father syndrome" is the condition of being determined to circumcise one's son "to look like me" regardless of all difficulty or argument.

Josh O'Sullivan will never remember what life was like with a foreskin.

Last year, when he was three weeks old, his dad Ryan took him to be circumcised. ... at an Auckland medical centre and [it] cost around $500. Although he wasn't doing it for specific medical or cultural reasons, O'Sullivan felt very strongly about the importance of the procedure. "Even if my wife had said 'no', I would have still done it."

The medical profession, he says, weren't encouraging. "The midwife sort of frowned upon it, but she let it go, and even the doctor who performed the circumcision, he tells you the pros and cons of the whole deal and it's almost like they are trying to talk you out of it." He says it was hard seeing his son in pain, ... O'Sullivan is Pakeha [New Zealander of non-Maori descent], not Polynesian, Jewish or Muslim, which is increasingly rare among parents who have their boys circumcised ...

Foreskin's Lament, Sunday Star-Times, Auckland, New Zealand, March 23, 2008

My (now ex) husband was adamant, 'this child WILL be circ'd'. His reasons were varied, and irrationally changed with each rational discussion. He finally admitted that he had no logical reason - no religious reason, no valid health reason, no reasonable societal reason, but he wanted it done nonetheless.

QueBella, posting on Thisisby.us..com April 25, 2008,

Well no matter what, my male children will be cut. Nothing will change that.

- Tired of silly, posting on msnbc Newsvine 31 March, 2009

D[arling ]h[usband] said we are having it done to our son, no questions asked...
sorry im not much help!

Bellstar9 on The Bump, January 25, 2010

Up until my son was born, I was on the fence about circumcision. Ultimately, it was my husband's decision and he chose to have him cut with no real research (which I did extensive amounts of) and did it because he was. He was adament about it being done and I felt like my son's choice was taken away. When they came to take him, I sobbed and begged for a compromise; he'll be cut, but in a bris. We are not Jewish, but I found a mohel who would do it in a secular cermoney since I am Pagan. I felt it would be a better way to do it because I would be allowed to be with him and seems less traumatic, but alas, that wasn't a choice for my husband either.

Pua Smith on The Stir June 13, 2011

He flipped. He became enraged and totally irrational. He insisted that it must be done, that it would be done. He didnít want to do any research and didnít want to talk about it with me. He acted in a way I had never before or since seen him behave. He insisted that a boy had to look like his father. [It turned out his father was intact.]

Sarah on the Front Porch Swing, March 31, 2010

...my husband who was circumcised could not IMAGINE that a foreskin was a part of a penis, because he didn't have a foreskin... and his penis was FINE... not DAMAGED! He could not get over that leap between him being sexually fine and another man being fine with even more sexual anatomy than he had. He was in a state of panic between common sense and self defense. Our fights were fierce- I was astounded at his reaction- he did not seem like himself- it was like he was a robot who was programmed with a execute circumcision command... and my putting an unplanned obstacle in that path made the whole system go berzerk.

The most upsetting scene of the whole time was my husband curled in a fetal position on the couch with a pillow crammed over his crotch crying... and still demanding that we had to do this. For me it was like watching regression therapy- I was seeing my husband relive the pain of his own circumcision... his outward body clenched in such a self defensive curl- emotionally he was begging to have a solution to this pain... and the solution that he thought he had found was to circumcise the baby... to make circumcision right. It was the only way he could convince himself that circumcision is a reasonable thing to do to babies...to men.

the same Sarah on Mothering.com, February 3, 2004

... Before my first son, I researched circumcision thoroughly, found out what a horrible procedure it is, and convinced my ex-husband that we should not circumcise him (even though my ex-husband is circumcised). He reluctantly agreed, and our son was not circumcised. When our second son came around, there wasn't even any dicussion about circumcising him.

Several years later, our relationship deteriorated to the point where we ended up getting divorced. After that, he didn't want to spend too much time with the boys, and only wanted them over one weekend a month.

About 4 months ago, after the boys came back from their weekend with him, I could immediately tell something was wrong. It turned out he had both our beautiful boys circumcised.

... After they had healed, there wasn't even any skin bunching up behind their penis heads -- and the circumcision scars are roughly half way down their shafts. They have had a lot removed.

Of course, they hate their circumcisions. They are frequently bothered by their bared and scarred genitals rubbing in their underwear. My ex seems to think I'm over reacting over this. He tells me that eventually calluses will build up, and they will begin to appreciate their circumcisions.


Julia on Mothering.com, March 1, 2013

I didn't really want to have our 2 sons circ'd, but my DH was adamant...there were several arguments over it the first time around, but in the end, my DH felt very very strongly in favor of circ'ing, so we did. ... The circ itself did not heal as well as we would have liked, and as well as the second child's. ...

Allyssa Wheaton-Rodriguez on Parenting.com, March 29, 2013

My son was circumcised about 24 hours after his birth. My husband was adamant about having the procedure.

Deena Myers Jenkins on Parenting.com, March 29, 2013

''My husband would not even have a discssion...''

Facebook, January 17, 2014

"I know a momma that is a little over 24wks or so preggo with a boy and plans to cut him...I messaged her some helpful info and links...and then left it be for 2wks...messaged her today and asked if she had made a decision or did any research and she says she is leaving it up to the dad and her 1st was cut and is fine. ... I sent her a message that said "Can you and daddy sit down and watch this?" and sent the link to Penn & Teller bullshit video. And this is what I got back "Did is da father. Leave her alone bout dis crap. Ur aggravatin her which is aggravatin. My son WILL b circumsized and theres NOT A DAMN THING U CAN DO ABOUT IT. Gud day"

A friend of Brother K, May 18, 2014

My boys are circumcised. And I am not a bad mother, my husband absolutely insisted that they were done. It is each their own. To judge each other is wrong I don't know much about girls being done but I would not change that we as parents had it done and if you don't want to have it done to your child good for you but get over that others do. And if later in life your boys get it done because you didn't do it when they were baby's don't judge them or shame them for it.

Shanna Ingle on Facebook, August 14, 2014

"My son stayed in the hospital for a week after I was discharged, due to his bilirubinemia. My husband and I fought and argued about circumcision for months leading up to our son's birth. He knew I was totally against it. On the one day I left the hospital to run a few errands and go home and get a change of clothes (the ONLY day I left the hospital), my husband gave consent for circumcision. When I got back to the hospital, my son had been cut. I can't even tell you how this makes me feel. My husband thinks I'm overreacting and is proud his son "looks like him". I'm so disgusted with myself. I should have never left my son's side. I don't think I will ever forgive my husband." 

- A friend of Brother K on Facebook, January 3, 2015 

(Adamant mothers)

Adamant April isn't interested in facts - Facebook

Facebook, December 11, 2012

Jocelyn Purdy Rieck All these circ debates do is annoy me lol. There's nothing anyone can say to change my mind. My kids, my choice and there is NO way I would leave a boy intact.

Facebook, April 25, 2013

adamant-rieck ''my kids, my choice...NO way...intact''

ace81620 in babycentre, August 14, 2014

adamant-brittany ''because..." non-reasons 


adamant-shanna ''to each their own''

- Facebook, undocumented

This mother can't afford it...
adamant-jorden asks for money
...but resists financial incentives...
adamant-jordan resists persuasion
...plays the "my child" card...
adamant-jorden resists arguments

...and admits that she has lost the debate.

adamant-jorden admits she has lost
-Twitter, May 11, 2018


- Twitter, July 2, 2018

adamant (autistic) "I don't care what anyone says"
- Facebook, July 2020

adamant kiki ''no matter what''

adamant - ''My mama keeps tryna argue with me... I am not leaving the hospital without...it''

(An adamant doctor)

When we had the meeting in 1997 in Belfast with the Consultants of the Health Trust who were performing circumcisions, after failing to give us any medical indication for performing the proceedure one of those present became very aggressive, thumped the table, pointed at me and I quote:
"I don't care what she says I am still gonna do it."

He did in fact continue to do so and as far as I am aware still does although he moved to the private sector to continue in his mission to circumcise without medical need.

Linda Massie, pers. com. July 8, 2012

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