Coercion to circumcise

I was appalled when the nurses at the hospital kept him to get a circumcision after he got shots. I had to ask 4 times for my son back, and finally got up out of the bed (after a csection) and went to the nurses station demanding my son back. "We keep all the boys til noon for their circumcisions" the nurse said. I cursed at them and was furious. I had told them 3 times I did not want my son cut.

- casey martin, change.org, December 5, 2008

Trying to leave the hospital with our newborn son was like trying to escape from circumcision mountain.

- Jenny O'L, The Economist, June 23, 2008

My son was born June 1979 at Madison General Hospital, Wisconsin. It was clear to me that any kind of genital cutting of newborns is not only unnecessary, but a heinous invasion of personal physical integrity amounting in my mind to assault. This was clear to my wife and to our pediatrician as well. Naively I thought everything was taken care of and my healthy new son was perfectly safe. I hardly realized the critical danger he was running as regards his genital integrity so long as he and his mother were still in hospital.

You can imagine, perhaps, the shock and fear I felt when a rather agitated nurse accosted me in the hallway on the second day and urgently pressed on me the information that C--- hadn't been "circ'ed yet":

Perhaps not panic, but there was a definite tone of emergency and high urgency in this woman's voice and physical manner. Implied was the accusation, why, as father, hadn't I acted before this. Really alarmed, I exclaimed:

My discomfort and embarassment in this encounter was only heightened by the fear that this woman would disturb my wife and create fears in her, fears that I would somehow have to counter. This never transpired.

My ordeal and anxiety were, however, not over yet: on two other similar occasions I was confronted by different nurses with virtually the same reproach:

I was just astounded at the realization of how mindless this force of hospital procedure actually was. No question about why we do this. It's just there to be done. No questions are to be asked. And there is a definite communication of "what's wrong with you?" "why aren't you going along with what must be called for since everybody does it?"

Truly I have never gotten over the shock of this experience.

My son's godfather told me last year that his younger brother is intact and that when he confronted his father about it, why he'd been genitally cut and his brother hadn't been, his father apologized and told him that neither he nor his wife had wanted or expected this to happen - being Greek they have no such custom and find it abhorrent - but that to his horror too late he found that the hospital personnel (in either Racine or Milwaukee, Wisconsin) had simply gone through with the "procedure" without informing them. Of course this was a prosecutable offense of unwarranted and unauthorized surgery, but it was also more than fifty years ago and my friend's parents were uninformed immigrants.

I hope these and many many other stories serve as so many nails into the coffin of enforced and involuntary genital mutilation of all kind, but especially in the case of the newborm.

Greg B at motheringdotcommune
May 22, 2008

My D[arling] W[ife]'s OB/GYN asked about it several times at pre birth office visits, and we said no. Seemed like it was all resolved.

Then, at the actual birth, just after I had cut the umbilical cord, he began pressuring us big time. My wife was so out of it, she does not even remember, and if I had not been there, probably would have succumed to his pressure. He walked back and forth, tone of voice, posture, practically pleading with me to change my mind. I believe many people would have changed their mind under his assault.

Very unprofessional.

leighti123, at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

At the hospital, at least 5 people asked if I wanted d[arling ]s[on] circ'd - I said no each time but they kept asking. They were pretty awful there about that - every time I said 'no' they would roll their eyes and say 'are you sure?' - (Yes, I'm sure that I don't want to let anyone cut pieces off my perfect baby....)

layla983 at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

As soon as I found out it was a boy, they handed us a bill. Had to be pre-paid. I called & said we didn't want it done, so not to bill us like the paperwork said we'd be billed. The lady on the phone told me to "think it over" & I got the bills. Again, I called & told them not to send them. About 2 weeks later I get ANOTHER letter saying that if I didn't pay my late payment & current payment, they'd want everything paid in advance before seeing me for anything, even my regular OB visits. After a day on the phone & calling several people in that building, I got it taken care of.

A doctor also mentioned it to us, even though it was marked in our chart that it wasn't getting done. When we told the midwife to correct our chart (we were asked when they confirmed my pregnancy, I said we weren't sure because I was still talking to DH about it, but they went ahead & marked circ anyway), she obviously cringed. She also rolled her eyes when she realized I had changed DH's mind (DH said something to that effect, I forget what though) & if she wasn't in a hurry I think she would have given me a lecture about how the dad should choose since he has a penis & I don't.

And my personal favorite circ comment EVER? Right after DS was born, after 24 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing & about 3 minutes away from an emergency c-section if he hadn't come when he did, I hadn't even got to hold DS yet, the doctor is stiching me up, & he asked "So...you want him circ'ed?" I told him no, then he said he remembered that was in my chart. He then said, "I figured if I had to stay here all night for you, I'd go ahead & do it myself instead of letting the weekend on call OB do it so I could get paid for it." That left me pretty speechless.

purplestraws at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

We weren't pressured to circ our son, but ... I seriously think that we were asked 10 times, even after they had put it on his chart that he was not to be circ'd. It was really pretty ridiculous...

Thixle at motheringdotcommune, May 24, 2008

I gave birth to a DAUGHTER in the only hospital for 25 miles... and they still gave me a Circumcision Release Form in with all the standard birth certificate/picture order form package. No one said anything about it while I was pregnant.

Johnathan Dorley at motheringdotcommune, May 25, 2008

I was pressured to [be] circumcise[d] about a year ago when I was about 18, in the UK. I had some small problem with my penis (some veins appeared swollen), which I went to my doctor for, and he decided to refer me to a urologist.

The urologist examined my penis, found no problem with my veins, but decided that I should be circumcised because my foreskin was tight. I immediately refused, and I tried to explain that it wasn't as tight as it had been a year before, because I had been stretching it. He told me that my stretching loosened the foreskin by giving it small tears [this is not true if the stretching is gentle enough], and that it would soon become even tighter. He also told me that I would get a build up of smegma, which he said could cause cancer.

I refused the operation, and he offered a 'half-circumcision', and I still refused, and he seemed to get a little annoyed. He told me "well, think about it, and if you wait you may later get paraphimosis, and then we'll be operating on an emergency basis".

A year later, and of course my penis is fine. Unfortunately at the time I was a little upset by the whole thing, and I didn't realise that I could actually complain about it, so I didn't file any complaints.

cherri0196 at motheringdotcommune, May 25, 2008

I definitely got pressured by my delivering OB to circumcise, unsuccessfully of course!! The birth and everything went great, my son was born healthy with no problems and im Thankful for that!! Then things went south when he say's to me " o.k. he looks GREAT! we can get him circumcised tomorrow" ( This is literally RIGHT after the birth, i mean he just stitched me up and im still laying there bleeding when he says this to me, nice huh?) I say to him...."oh No we're NOT getting him circumcised!!" Then of course he starts spewing this non-sense about how it's cleaner and healthier and its better to just get it done now....blah blah blah (meanwhile my pro-circ family is in the room eating up every word he say's) and i just told him that we're not changing our minds, and that issue was resolved. After that i really didn't have any other problems, My Lactation Consultant asked me if i was getting him circumcised mainly out of curiosity and I told her "No" and she just said "GOOD!". My son's pediatrician looked him over the next day but didn't say anything regarding circumcision.

The day i was getting discharged one of the recovery nurse's walk in and say's "Oh did you want to get him circumcised??" (This was like an hour before they let me go so it was kind of like they forgot about me, which was nice!) I just said "Nope" and she just turned around and walked out. THEN the Delivering OB (AGAIN) came in just to check on me and see how I was doing, said I looked good and was discharging me and before he walked out he say's "If you change your mind about getting him circumcised, let me know, I can do it"

Thanks for the support butt head!!!

SunkenShip on Japan ForumAugust 17, 2010

When my son was born, we were asked about 20 times if we wanted him circumcised, despite the fact that our birth plan stated "NO CIRCUMCISION." Every nurse and doctor kept asking, "He's not circumcised. You don't want him circumcised?"

And then pediatricians feel the need to advise me that my son is "more at risk".

bjett posting in Sueeasy 12 February, 2009

When I gave birth to my son in 1995 at Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte NC. I informed the pediatrician (the person that does the circumcision) in advance that I did not want my son circumcised. He agreed that there was no medical reason, but still recommended it so he would look like other boys. The day after my son was born (he was born at night) a nurse came in to my hospital room with a number of forms to sign, including a circumcision consent form. I told them that I did not want my son circumcised unless they could give me a valid medical reason for it. The nurse left. A couple of hours later two nurses came back in with only the circumcision consent form and asked me to sign it. I asked them why they were giving me the form again when I had declined earlier. They said, "We just want to make absolutely sure you do not want this." I asked if there was a good medical reason to do so (I knew there wasn't, I just wanted to see what they would say). Suddenly one of the nurses grabbed the form and started to scratch a big red "X" over it. She seemed upset so I asked if she was mad. She replied, "Well, I am just making sure he isn't accidentally circumcised."

Good grief. I was shocked how medicine was being practiced at one of the largest hospitals in Charlotte NC, nurses repeatedly soliciting for unnecessary medical procedures and then suggesting that there's a significant likelihood that the procedure may still be performed without my consent if I do not make it very clear that I do not want the procedure for my son by having a large X crossed over the consent form.

I have no suit but can testify for a plaintiff if anyone has a claim against this hospital for a circumcision performed during this time period...

Intact America, June 22, 2009

Dean Pisani says he and his wife were pressured to have their expected baby circumcised by the obstetrician and doctors in Illinois hospitals even before they knew his sex.

The Pisanis researched the topic "and could find no rational or persuasive argument to subject a baby to surgery that had no medical benefit. We came under pressure from doctors prior to the birth of both of our children, but none could substantiate the medical necessity to perform the surgery. The pressure from doctors was both inappropriate and indefensible."

christine mastin of PA posting on US News.com, September 4, 2009

i was a single mother when my son was born. The nurse came in with instruction for circumcision, i said i didn't sign anything to have him circumcised, she said we'll do that next, i said no we wont he is staying complete, unharmed, not damaged, left in tact. She came back three more times trying to get me to sign the paper work, i demanded to see my son in tact. she scowled at me in disgust.

ajax57 on New York MagazineOcteber 20, 2009

Isn't it nice that Hugo had a choice? Look across the pond: most men neither need nor want to have part of their penis cut off. When my son was born, our doctor and nurse really pressured us to do it, without any of the "informed consent" mumbo-jumbo. They just wanted to do it. We didn't, even though I'm cut. There's no medical study supporting the belief that an un-circumcised America would suffer - or that Europeans are less healthy - and obviously amputating sexual tissue must diminish sexual sensation, no matter what circumcised "doctors" say. This was all before the HIV/circumcision scare, but I see that HIV rates in uncircumcised Europe are lower than in mostly circumcised America. Duh: if you are having sex with infected people, count on getting infected, cut or not. I think the new push to circumcise is psychological, not medical.

Alison on Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross, October 24, 2009

... My son was born at 31 weeks and only 3 lbs. I told them then that I did not want him circumcised. They explained to me that most children [should] keep the same appearance as their father's. I told them that dad was circumcised but that the baby will NOT be. After spending 3 wks in the NICU they said that he was finally strong enough to be circumcised. Do they really believe that a child that has already been struggling, should then have his penis mutilated before coming home? It kind of makes me sick that they were so persistent.

Petition to the CDC Signature # 12,049:

3:11 pm PST, Nov 4, David Gates, California

We had to request multiple times and had to confirm with our doctors and nurses that we did NOT want our son circumcised. The pediatrician said "really? I guess it's not that necessary anymore. Here's how you clean it..." The resistance to our decision compared to the blase response of the pediatrician indicates an atrocious knowledge-procedure gap for newborn boys.

Ootie grl on The Frisky, November 12. 2009

I did not have my son circumcised. Its his stuff. He can decide when hes older. I felt weird making such a personal decision for him. The nurses were really pushing it though. Circumcision is not neccesary is it?

wrpd on Pharyngula, December 4, 2009

When my first son was born in 1975 I told the doctor not to circumcise him. He didn't ask us about it; he was just going to do it automatically. He gave me all the stupid reasons, like being different from his friends. I prevailed. I went through the same process with the same doctor with my second son in 1977.

Barbara Lindsey, California a petition to the AAP, December 4, 2009 (signature #753)

Doctors really try very hard to get the mother to sign consent forms for circumcision. I declined, but my doctor kept trying to get me to do it. I think this is really unnecessary.

coastalcarla on the Huffington Post, December 12, 2009

I was told by my ob/gyn 21 years ago that I would be committing what amounted to child abuse if I didn't do it to my son when he was born.

Lisa Warmbrodt, Kentucky on the Care2 petition to the CDC (#14,058), January 2, 2010

... my son was born in California, and I asked that he not be circumcised. I moved to Kentucky three years later, and my son got a kidney infection. I was told by the doctor that it was because he was uncircumcised, and not knowing any better, I allowed them to perform the procedure. They botched it, and my son was subjected to intense pain and subsequent embarrassment that he still suffers fifteen years later. Now I know it wasn't even necessary.

NoGodsNoMasters on the Experience Project, October 9, 2010

You know even though my boys penis's are completely healed, I still feel guilty for having them snipped. I wish I would have been provided with more information with my first born. Instead I was pressured by the doctors and family to circumcise.

blondeNklutzi on Baby and Bump, January 7, 2010

OH [Other Half] and I have decided NOT to have the baby circumcised when he is born, OH is not and I don't want to subject a newborn to an unecessary (sp?) surgery. My OB {Obstetrician] is being really really pushy about this though! Luckily our pediatrician is supportive.

Rood Andersson on a restoration mailing list, January 15, 2010

After the wife of a member of our foreskin restoration group (NORM-Phoenix) suddenly gave birth to a boy six weeks premature (in 2004), he, the husband, felt compelled to stand guard over the child for several weeks prior to the child's discharge from the hospital, as both parents were under constant pressure to have their child's foreskin removed.

Just before the child's release, one obviously exasperated doctor accosted the father, almost demanding that the child be circumcised, saying: "But that's what we do, here!" This in a large hospital located in a tony, northerly section of the seemingly progressive town of Scottsdale, Arizona.

Mellissa on Peaceful Parenting February 22, 2010

I have 2 sons. My first boy was born when I was 18 years old in Texas. I never knew that was a choice and so when the doctor came in and whisked him away I didn't bat an eye. When they returned him to me when a swollen and oozing penis, still lightly sobbing, I knew something terrible had been done. ... When my next son ... was born three years later we refused to sign the consent form that was bundled in with my intake papers. Shortly after my sweet son was born he was picked up for "shots and a short evaluation" and returned to me an hour and a half later with a circumsized penis. (Legal matters were taken, but what what good do they do my son?)

jtraveler80 on Men's Health, March 1, 2009

... I have been witness to nurses telling parents that it's child abuse if they don't CIRC their son. ...

rufus firefly on The Huffington Post March 3, 2010

I am uncut and in my 38 years I have NEVER had any problems with my penis, nor have I ever felt awkward about it or been ridiculed by any of the women I have been with. In fact, most didn't even notice and a few who had never seen one told me that they liked it better the natural way. I insisted that our son also be left intact, though the hospital staff must have asked us at least half a dozen times if we wanted to circumcise him. If the AAP changes its policy to recommend circumcision, they will probably make it much harder for parents to opt out of it.

Mike on The Oracle (U of South Florida) March 16, 2010

"It’s not right for the CDC to impose suggestions" -- I have to agree, anyone that has had a son born in the US already knows the constant badgering from the medical profession. They can make money off the procedure, by the CDC making a recommendation it just gives the medical community another form of coercion to place on parents during a stressful time. My son was born back in 2005, we were ask[ed] a total of 3 times before I could get my son safely home (question[s] like "you realize your son hasn't been circumcised yet"). Why were they so interested in my son's penis? I can only think it was the money not the well being of my child.

françoise on May 20, 2010

(to my sons: sorry if this embarrasses you)
When i INSISTED that i would NOT sign the medical release decades ago, for the rest of my stay in the ward, nurses pointed me out to each other referring to me in loud whispers as that DIRTY EUROPEAN. I am an old woman now but went around the block a few times in my, too short, heydays and my position hasn’t changed as a mother or as a woman.

Christy Lindsey on One Day at a Time May 31, 2010

My mother in law told me that when she had her boys, the hospital just automatically circumcised them and didn't even ask the parents!

James Peron on YouTube June 1, 2010 (24" in)

When our twin sons were born, 47 years ago, I told the doctor at that time that I did not want them circumcised. He went into hospital next morning and deliberately circumcised them.

coyote on Sean's Girls June 6, 2010

i am an imigrant to the states from ukraine. i was born there and therefore am intact. recently i was in the hospital where my brother was being born, and the doctor came in with some papers and handed them to my father. i saw a vein bulge in his neck and looked damn near ready to yell at him. the doctor started explaining that it had "health benefits" and made it sound that every intact person WILL get some sort of disease. my dad told him that he, his family, his friends, and everyone he knows is intact and has never had disease or any problem regarding the foreskin. he also told him that he knows more cut guys who have stds than intact men. after handing the papers back without signiture, the doctor looked suprised that anyone would choose not to.

Ferdinand Bardamu on In Mala Fide June 8, 2010

I’m among the many men in America who were cut at a young age. Specifically, according to my mom, I was circumcised the day after I was born. From what I recall her telling me (this was a long time ago), it was apparently against her will – the surgeons snuck in to do the dirty deed while she was in the bathroom or something and no one else was around to stop them.

Nick on Babble.comJune 16, 2010

... When our son was born this past February, we had already decided long before that he would not be circumcised. However, we were probably asked at least a dozen times if we wanted to have it done, to the point that I worried it might happen by accident, if they mixed him up with another baby. ...