Coercion to circumcise

Trying to leave the hospital with our newborn son was like trying to escape from circumcision mountain.

- Jenny O'L, The Economist, June 23, 2008

My son was born June 1979 at Madison General Hospital, Wisconsin. It was clear to me that any kind of genital cutting of newborns is not only unnecessary, but a heinous invasion of personal physical integrity amounting in my mind to assault. This was clear to my wife and to our pediatrician as well. Naively I thought everything was taken care of and my healthy new son was perfectly safe. I hardly realized the critical danger he was running as regards his genital integrity so long as he and his mother were still in hospital.

You can imagine, perhaps, the shock and fear I felt when a rather agitated nurse accosted me in the hallway on the second day and urgently pressed on me the information that C--- hadn't been "circ'ed yet":

Perhaps not panic, but there was a definite tone of emergency and high urgency in this woman's voice and physical manner. Implied was the accusation, why, as father, hadn't I acted before this. Really alarmed, I exclaimed:

My discomfort and embarassment in this encounter was only heightened by the fear that this woman would disturb my wife and create fears in her, fears that I would somehow have to counter. This never transpired.

My ordeal and anxiety were, however, not over yet: on two other similar occasions I was confronted by different nurses with virtually the same reproach:

I was just astounded at the realization of how mindless this force of hospital procedure actually was. No question about why we do this. It's just there to be done. No questions are to be asked. And there is a definite communication of "what's wrong with you?" "why aren't you going along with what must be called for since everybody does it?"

Truly I have never gotten over the shock of this experience.

My son's godfather told me last year that his younger brother is intact and that when he confronted his father about it, why he'd been genitally cut and his brother hadn't been, his father apologized and told him that neither he nor his wife had wanted or expected this to happen - being Greek they have no such custom and find it abhorrent - but that to his horror too late he found that the hospital personnel (in either Racine or Milwaukee, Wisconsin) had simply gone through with the "procedure" without informing them. Of course this was a prosecutable offense of unwarranted and unauthorized surgery, but it was also more than fifty years ago and my friend's parents were uninformed immigrants.

I hope these and many many other stories serve as so many nails into the coffin of enforced and involuntary genital mutilation of all kind, but especially in the case of the newborm.

Greg B at motheringdotcommune
May 22, 2008

My D[arling] W[ife]'s OB/GYN asked about it several times at pre birth office visits, and we said no. Seemed like it was all resolved.

Then, at the actual birth, just after I had cut the umbilical cord, he began pressuring us big time. My wife was so out of it, she does not even remember, and if I had not been there, probably would have succumed to his pressure. He walked back and forth, tone of voice, posture, practically pleading with me to change my mind. I believe many people would have changed their mind under his assault.

Very unprofessional.

leighti123, at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

At the hospital, at least 5 people asked if I wanted d[arling ]s[on] circ'd - I said no each time but they kept asking. They were pretty awful there about that - every time I said 'no' they would roll their eyes and say 'are you sure?' - (Yes, I'm sure that I don't want to let anyone cut pieces off my perfect baby....)

layla983 at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

As soon as I found out it was a boy, they handed us a bill. Had to be pre-paid. I called & said we didn't want it done, so not to bill us like the paperwork said we'd be billed. The lady on the phone told me to "think it over" & I got the bills. Again, I called & told them not to send them. About 2 weeks later I get ANOTHER letter saying that if I didn't pay my late payment & current payment, they'd want everything paid in advance before seeing me for anything, even my regular OB visits. After a day on the phone & calling several people in that building, I got it taken care of.

A doctor also mentioned it to us, even though it was marked in our chart that it wasn't getting done. When we told the midwife to correct our chart (we were asked when they confirmed my pregnancy, I said we weren't sure because I was still talking to DH about it, but they went ahead & marked circ anyway), she obviously cringed. She also rolled her eyes when she realized I had changed DH's mind (DH said something to that effect, I forget what though) & if she wasn't in a hurry I think she would have given me a lecture about how the dad should choose since he has a penis & I don't.

And my personal favorite circ comment EVER? Right after DS was born, after 24 hours of labor, 3 hours of pushing & about 3 minutes away from an emergency c-section if he hadn't come when he did, I hadn't even got to hold DS yet, the doctor is stiching me up, & he asked "So...you want him circ'ed?" I told him no, then he said he remembered that was in my chart. He then said, "I figured if I had to stay here all night for you, I'd go ahead & do it myself instead of letting the weekend on call OB do it so I could get paid for it." That left me pretty speechless.

purplestraws at motheringdotcommune, May 23, 2008

We weren't pressured to circ our son, but ... I seriously think that we were asked 10 times, even after they had put it on his chart that he was not to be circ'd. It was really pretty ridiculous...

Thixle at motheringdotcommune, May 24, 2008

I gave birth to a DAUGHTER in the only hospital for 25 miles... and they still gave me a Circumcision Release Form in with all the standard birth certificate/picture order form package. No one said anything about it while I was pregnant.

Johnathan Dorley at motheringdotcommune, May 25, 2008

I was pressured to [be] circumcise[d] about a year ago when I was about 18, in the UK. I had some small problem with my penis (some veins appeared swollen), which I went to my doctor for, and he decided to refer me to a urologist.

The urologist examined my penis, found no problem with my veins, but decided that I should be circumcised because my foreskin was tight. I immediately refused, and I tried to explain that it wasn't as tight as it had been a year before, because I had been stretching it. He told me that my stretching loosened the foreskin by giving it small tears [this is not true if the stretching is gentle enough], and that it would soon become even tighter. He also told me that I would get a build up of smegma, which he said could cause cancer.

I refused the operation, and he offered a 'half-circumcision', and I still refused, and he seemed to get a little annoyed. He told me "well, think about it, and if you wait you may later get paraphimosis, and then we'll be operating on an emergency basis".

A year later, and of course my penis is fine. Unfortunately at the time I was a little upset by the whole thing, and I didn't realise that I could actually complain about it, so I didn't file any complaints.

cherri0196 at motheringdotcommune, May 25, 2008

I definitely got pressured by my delivering OB to circumcise, unsuccessfully of course!! The birth and everything went great, my son was born healthy with no problems and im Thankful for that!! Then things went south when he say's to me " o.k. he looks GREAT! we can get him circumcised tomorrow" ( This is literally RIGHT after the birth, i mean he just stitched me up and im still laying there bleeding when he says this to me, nice huh?) I say to him...."oh No we're NOT getting him circumcised!!" Then of course he starts spewing this non-sense about how it's cleaner and healthier and its better to just get it done now....blah blah blah (meanwhile my pro-circ family is in the room eating up every word he say's) and i just told him that we're not changing our minds, and that issue was resolved. After that i really didn't have any other problems, My Lactation Consultant asked me if i was getting him circumcised mainly out of curiosity and I told her "No" and she just said "GOOD!". My son's pediatrician looked him over the next day but didn't say anything regarding circumcision.

The day i was getting discharged one of the recovery nurse's walk in and say's "Oh did you want to get him circumcised??" (This was like an hour before they let me go so it was kind of like they forgot about me, which was nice!) I just said "Nope" and she just turned around and walked out. THEN the Delivering OB (AGAIN) came in just to check on me and see how I was doing, said I looked good and was discharging me and before he walked out he say's "If you change your mind about getting him circumcised, let me know, I can do it"

Thanks for the support butt head!!!